Day 2…

Today was definitely a tough one. Working in a hospital setting while dealing with infertility can be extremely difficult at times. On warm days, I always enjoyed spending my lunch hour outside. After my first loss, my usual lunch routine no longer provided the usual respite it once did…

The cafeteria is located near the suite that is used for classes for moms with newborns and baby photo sessions. Sitting on the benches located just a short walk away is where soon to be moms can be seen leaving their OB appointments…

It feels suffocating at times, as I think to myself, when does it get to be my turn. It doesn’t stop there. It’s the comments you have to endure from people who have no clue how deeply painful infertility can be or the emotional and physical toll it can take on a person

Today’s comment came from a patient. She was new to our department. I went over to introduce myself and start care. She could immediately tell I wasn’t originally from California base on my accent. She asked me where I was originally from along with the usual banter along those lines. The conversation eventually led to her asking me if I had any kids. I told her I had four bonus kids. She then asked “when are you gonna have some of your own?”. I replied “We’re trying”. Her response “Don’t try. Just do it. It’s not that difficult. I then said to her “It’s not always that easy for some women ” and her reply was “my man could just look at me and I’d get pregnant.”

Wtf…It took every ounce of strength I had to maintain professionalism, refrain from saying anything out of line and not burst into tears right there in that moment.

So many people take for granted the gift of bearing a child without complications, and their comments lack consideration for others whose journeys are met with such a challenge.

Comments like “everything happens for a reason”, “It just may not be the right time”, “pray about it” or “try not to stress and it’ll just happen” are on my list of things I hate hearing people say to me. Nonetheless, I usually just nod and say okay to get through the conversation.

I know plenty of people have no idea what to say and mean well, but I really wish there was a list of things not to say to a person with infertility…

Trust. Us folk on the infertility journey have already “prayed about it”. We’ve realized there’s no such thing as “the right time” (if that were the case there’s like a gazillion women who would’ve never been able to have children). We’ve come to the conclusion that some things happen without a reason (Hello! Mrs Unexplained Infertility right here). And how the hell do you just relax when nothing about trying to conceive after multiple losses, using timed intercourse, constant ovulation tracking, on infinite 2WW is relaxing.

A simple. “I’m so sorry you have to go through this” or “I’m here if you need anything or an ear to listen” will suffice.