It’s been 1 Day…

It’s literally been 1 day of Gonal-F and Menopur injections, and I already understand what people mean when they say the emotional/mood swing side effects of these hormones are insane.

It’s 1:57pm and I’ve just finished snapping at two of my colleagues after a disagreement. One of which is my sister-in-law…Yikes!

It’s so out of my character to be snappy just because I disagree with someone. While I may not always get it right, I do work really hard to handle disagreements with better poise…

Thank God it was close to my lunch time, so I had to opportunity to decompress.

First thing I did after clocking out was call my husband and vent to him about my outburst. Midway through me telling him what happened, I starting crying and telling him how I missed my bestie from back home in Florida. Perk of the hubby being my best friend too. Well, he might not think getting to hear me vent is a perk! And if the next few days are anything like today he may actually want to send me packing on the first flight to back to Florida until the stim cycle is over lol!

Truth is, I know my friend in Florida would understand me and all my crazy emotions right now… I think she knows me better than anyone else in spite of many miles between us. This is one of those days I’d love to go back about 6 years in the past and be vegged out on the sofa with her in my pjs, watching a new episode of Chicago Fire… A time before life seemed to be so complicated. Honestly I miss her everyday. Combine a busy work schedule along side being consumed with trying to conceive, I’m just realizing how guilty I am of not being in touch with her more often…

She had her own journey bringing her 2 beautiful, now toddlers, into this world. It’s daily I find strength in her story. I think she was absolutely courageous and resilient in efforts to conceive.

I’ve realized this infertility journey can consume you entirely. The hamster wheel of trying to get pregnant, getting pregnant, miscarrying and repeat causes even the strongest of woman to lose herself. While I can’t say I won’t have another unusually dramatic emotional moment, I will promise to practice more self-compassion in those moments. Allow myself the right to accept my emotions as they come. The right to burst into tears for what seems like absolutely no reason. The right to feel sad. The right to feel anger. The right to grieve. The right to be emotional period. I’ll find comfort in knowing that the best friend who vegged out on the couch in pjs with me while watching our favorite tv show, or the husband that allows me to bend his ear in the middle of his busy work day at the office will always know and love the person I was before all the losses and pain, and will continue to love me through this journey that I call Passage to Motherhood.